I was finally able to get all of my current belongings into what will soon be my room over the next year. And for two nights I've slept in my own bed. It still feels strange living in Ambridge. It doesn't feel like home-- not yet, anyway. The town is a new entity compared to the other places I've been. The overall population barely breaks 7000, and it's easy to tell when traversing the barren streets of closed shops and run down bars. The school I will be going to, Trinity School for Ministry has a student body of around 100, and the incoming class will be of about 30. It seems that I'll be getting to know my classmates quite well over the next three years.
It is a peaceful place, though. It's quiet, and I like that. I look forward to living through one of these northern winters to really see what it's like. For this, I will need to find a nice coat and boots. For that, I will be needing money. I have been on the hunt for a job in the Ambridge area. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be too many opportunities around town. I applied to a local CVS as a pharmacy tech, and a bank that tends to employ many seminarians from the school. I may end up needing to buy a car to work in the greater Pittsburgh area, though. There are many places hiring, but they are all about twenty minutes away by car. I'll probably try going out there in this next week to see if I can find a place that will hire me, as well as a cheap car to make the commute.
Every now and then I get a little nostalgic. I do miss my old homes in Tallahassee and Tampa. My family and friends are far enough away that a weekend trip would take months of preparation. But, it does have a cathartic feel to it. I have reached a place where the only way to move is forward. I can't turn back now. It's freeing, in a sense. I've made my decision, and I'm sticking with it. I need to learn to be content with not knowing where my life is ultimately headed, and remain confident in the decisions I have made up until now without trying to preemptively prepare for what's coming next.
It seems that there is a necessary conflict of emotion that comes with moving somewhere new. Moreover, this conflict is increased by the addition of the new life changes of moving forward that undoubtedly come along with it. There is enchantment at what might come and what might be learned. The excitement of new beginnings and discoveries which drives our hearts toward new loves. But beneath all this, there is the unsettling sense of fear that what will come might not be what you had expected. The worry that you will find where you are is not where you belong. The only way to cope with these emotions is to maintain the hope which brought you there. Without hope, we cannot look forward, but must close our eyes to possibility. It is hope which drives us and hope which changes the seemingly ill fated. Hope drives action and makes it worthwhile. I must hope to find my place here and where I belong in the midst of it.
Right now, I have passed the stage of wonderment. I am decently settled in my new house and have met many new faces, some of whom may end up becoming close friends. And this is the turning point. I need to keep my eyes pointed forward and not worry of the things I cannot know.
This next step in life is full of uncertainty. But, I shall move on by hope. Hope that my life will be changed by my experiences and that I will discern my rightful calling. I will no longer dream of the future that could be, but live toward the future that will.
Pray for me, friends. My heart aches from the weariness of dreaming. I am ready to achieve my reality.
It is a peaceful place, though. It's quiet, and I like that. I look forward to living through one of these northern winters to really see what it's like. For this, I will need to find a nice coat and boots. For that, I will be needing money. I have been on the hunt for a job in the Ambridge area. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be too many opportunities around town. I applied to a local CVS as a pharmacy tech, and a bank that tends to employ many seminarians from the school. I may end up needing to buy a car to work in the greater Pittsburgh area, though. There are many places hiring, but they are all about twenty minutes away by car. I'll probably try going out there in this next week to see if I can find a place that will hire me, as well as a cheap car to make the commute.
Every now and then I get a little nostalgic. I do miss my old homes in Tallahassee and Tampa. My family and friends are far enough away that a weekend trip would take months of preparation. But, it does have a cathartic feel to it. I have reached a place where the only way to move is forward. I can't turn back now. It's freeing, in a sense. I've made my decision, and I'm sticking with it. I need to learn to be content with not knowing where my life is ultimately headed, and remain confident in the decisions I have made up until now without trying to preemptively prepare for what's coming next.
It seems that there is a necessary conflict of emotion that comes with moving somewhere new. Moreover, this conflict is increased by the addition of the new life changes of moving forward that undoubtedly come along with it. There is enchantment at what might come and what might be learned. The excitement of new beginnings and discoveries which drives our hearts toward new loves. But beneath all this, there is the unsettling sense of fear that what will come might not be what you had expected. The worry that you will find where you are is not where you belong. The only way to cope with these emotions is to maintain the hope which brought you there. Without hope, we cannot look forward, but must close our eyes to possibility. It is hope which drives us and hope which changes the seemingly ill fated. Hope drives action and makes it worthwhile. I must hope to find my place here and where I belong in the midst of it.
Right now, I have passed the stage of wonderment. I am decently settled in my new house and have met many new faces, some of whom may end up becoming close friends. And this is the turning point. I need to keep my eyes pointed forward and not worry of the things I cannot know.
This next step in life is full of uncertainty. But, I shall move on by hope. Hope that my life will be changed by my experiences and that I will discern my rightful calling. I will no longer dream of the future that could be, but live toward the future that will.
Pray for me, friends. My heart aches from the weariness of dreaming. I am ready to achieve my reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment